Butrfly's Wonderings

People often ask what is the story behind my use of the screen name Butrflynet. I've been using Butrflynet since February, 1990 when I first signed up on AOL 1.0. At the time, screen names were only permitted 10 characters so I had to shorten butterfly. I've never really used any other name except when playing characters in roleplaying games on the internet. Even then, my account names have always been Butrflynet. It is such an unusual spelling that I've always found it available when creating new accounts at various domains.

The reason for the name Butrflynet has many aspects to it. Butterflies represent nature, peace, freedom, travel, metamorphosis, inner beauty, change. The Net part of the name had to do with my new found interest and love for the internet, and my effort to search for and capture all those aspects of the butterfly. I loved the play on words in my profile when I put "I used to be a c'pillar of the community" as my occupation.

As I mentioned earlier, I'll soon be making a trip back to Boston to visit my dad. I'm looking forward to the trip but also feel rather anxious about it. Because of the distance, cost and my father's age, I believe this will probably be one of, if not the last time I see him alive. How does one prepare themselves for such a visit? I feel under pressure to make sure I say whatever it is I need to say to my dad, although I have no idea what that need is other then to just tell him I love him. Has anyone else knowingly visited a parent or loved one for the last time? How did you prepare yourself for it? What do you say? Do you acknowledge to them that you think it will be the last time you see them or do you carry on as if it is just another visit? What are some of the things to be sure and talk about? What do you do with the angst when it comes time to return home?